


Never Enough

by bellyboohoo



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Quirks (My Hero Academia), Angst, Anxiety, Anxious Midoriya Izuku, Attempted Suicide, Crossover, Cutting, Dead Midoriya Inko, Death, Depressed Midoriya Izuku, Depression, Drama, Exes, Gen, Grand Prix Final, Healing, M/M, Married Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Modern AU, Re-learning to Love, Romance, Sexual Tension, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Trauma, Traumatized Midoriya Izuku, bakudeku, figure skating, figure skating AU, friendships, learning to live
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26176426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellyboohoo/pseuds/bellyboohoo
Summary: On one of the biggest days of Midoriya Izuku's career as a figure skater, the news of his mom's death completely shatters his world and thrusts him into a new reality of darkness. He lost all the relationships he'd previously had, and his career is in shambles. He refuses to step foot into an ice rink again.But when a challenge and a goal come to fruition, will it propel him enough to take a daring chance at recovering and renewing all that he'd lost?---TW: Depression, Attempted Suicide, Anxiety
Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Bakugou Katsuki, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki & Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Inko & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Yagi Toshinori | All Might
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

The lights bore down on him as he stood in the center of the rink, cheers arising from the stands surrounding him.

Sweat clung to his brows, the exhaustion from performing such a heavily skilled routine beginning to seep into his being. He bowed gracefully, the never-ending and winning smile stuck permanently on his face.

It was overwhelming, almost, being a part of something so largely adored. Figure skating to him was a necessity, the same as breathing. But _this. This_ was the final achievement, the ending goal after all of his hard work. Performing for the largest audiences on the grandest of stages and _just knowing_ that he'll take the gold medal home.

Kacchan wouldn't be happy, but he'd be proud.

Pushing his damp mop of hair out of his eyes, the greenette made his way off of the ice and toward his coach Aizawa. The man had specifically relocated from Japan to their small Indiana town to take him and Katsuki Bakugou--his boyfriend and fellow competitor--under his wing. They'd won many competitions because of the ravenette and gained twice the skill they would have from any other coach.

Stepping off the slick surface, the figure skater thanked the attendee for handing him his jungle-colored skate guards. They were reminiscent of his costume, an added addition that just made him feel all the more into his character of _Deku_. As his coach stalked toward him, his smile grew wider and he opened his arms for a hug. But Aizawa didn't attempt their usual celebratory embrace. It was only when the teen noticed the dark frown on his coach's face did he realize something was wrong.

"Coach?" He asked timidly. His eyes trailed toward the Kiss-and-Cry, the booth they were supposed to be sitting in, in less than two minutes.

Aizawa sighed, head shaking as he spoke in a heavily accented voice. "There's been an accident, Izuku."

The greenette's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?" The confusion was evident on his face. "Is it Kacchan? Did one of his skates break or something?"

Aizawa led him closer to the wall, though they were still in view of wandering eyes and eavesdropping ears. "Nothing's wrong with Bakugou," and in a lower voice, "okāsandesu. She was in a car accident."

Izuku froze, a veil of horror stretching across his face. As the cheers grew louder around him, he remembered his place and attempted to keep his composure. "Is she okay?" His voice was barely over a whisper, the shock forcing any effort from him.

The ravenette shook his head. "Izuku, she was killed on impact."

The world around the skater seemed to freeze in that moment. The voices of the audience became fuzzy, and his vision swam. He stopped _breathing._ He could barely make out his coach attempting to catch him as his shaking legs gave out and he collapsed to the floor. Alarmed attendees appeared at his side almost instantly, everyone's lips moving in a jumbled attempt to know the problem.

 _Dead!_ The voice inside his head shouted. _She's dead, dead, DEAD!_

He could see the blurry figure of his boyfriend running toward him, dropping beside him to grab his hand in his. But all he felt was prickly pains from his toes to his ears.

The next second, his world went black.


	2. One Year Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING(S): mentions of cutting

_"FIRST PLACE OF THE 2020 WINTER OLYMPICS IS THE U.S.A.'S KATSUKI--"_

The television flickered off, Izuku's thumb practically forcing the remote's off button into the thick plastic. His eyes were tightly shut as an attempt to keep the pain-filled tears in his tear ducts.

It didn't work.

His body doubled over, knees crashing to the floor as he sobbed. Heavy pants and a small bit of saliva escaped from his lips. _That could've been me,_ he thought to himself. Pain blossomed in his chest and refused to subside, even after he'd managed to calm himself down slightly.

No one was in the small apartment but him, as always. It'd been like that since Aizawa had left to accompany Katsuki to the Olympics in Beijing.

It wasn't like Izuku could be mad about that. Aizawa was still Katsuki's coach, despite everything happening. Katsuki'd never accept anyone else anyways.

Pushing himself to stand back up, the teen shakily shuffled his way toward the kitchen. A glass of water would help, wouldn't it? His phone buzzed consistently in his pocket, but he ignored it. He wasn't up for talking to anyone right now.

As the water spilled into the glass cup, the greenette stared emptily out the window.

He'd known Katsuki would win. With the blonde's driving force and sheer determination, there was no other competitor great enough to overcome him. Not even Victor Nikiforov would've been able to, despite him retiring and becoming a coach for Japan's Katsuki Yuuri.

 _Would I have beaten Kacchan?_ Izuku thought to himself. The water began overfilling the cup, slicking Izuku's hands. It fell not a moment later and shattered in the sink basin.

He turned the water off, head bent over to glare down at the glass below. How tempting it was to just pick a piece out and slash his arms with it.

 _No!_ He pushed away from the countertop, taking his head into the palms of his head and furiously beginning to rub against his skin. _I told Wendy and Aizawa I wouldn't do that again. I **promised** them. _

His phone buzzed once more, stealing his attention from his warring thoughts. Pulling the device out of his pocket, he watched as the screen flashed with his coach's name.

He slid the red button across the bright surface before shutting it down completely.

He knew a reprimand would come from the raven-haired man when he returned home from China, but for now, he didn't care.

All he wanted was to be alone.

"I'm assuming you heard the news?" The cap of the pen tapped against the clipboard in his therapist's lap, her eyes gazing at his slumped form in the chair across from her.

He nodded, unable to form the words to properly answer her. He picked at the skin around his nails, tugging and pulling even after he started to bleed.

"Izuku, have you been wearing the gloves we gave you?" She asked, already knowing the answer just by taking a glance at his red and irritated fingertips. He shrugged, not bothering to meet her eyes.

She sighed. "Listen, hun. If you don't start showing improvement soon, we're going to have to consider enrolling you in a facility that can monitor you."

Izuku looked up at that, clear fear flashing through his emerald eyes. "What do you mean?"

Wendy scooted forward, brushing her brunette hair behind her ears and pushing her glasses up on her nose. "Aizawa told me about the glass in the sink after he got home." The greenette flinched. "Do you want to tell me what happened, or are you going to let me assume?"

His lips parted in that moment, eyes shining with tears. _"It was an accident,"_ he murmured softly. Wendy nodded, quickly scribbling the response down on her paper.

"How was it an accident?"

Her patient squirmed in his seat, a nervousness gathering in him. He bit down on his bottom lip. "I, um... I think I had an anxiety attack. Before." He turned his head to stare at the door, and Wendy could tell he was desperate to leave. "I went to get a glass of water after, and... I don't know. I dropped it when it started overfilling."

"Why'd you let it overfill?"

He shrugged again. "I was thinking about stuff."

She leaned back in her seat, her pen scratching against the paper in quick motions. "What kind of 'stuff' were you thinking about, Izuku?"

"Um..." the tears spilled over then, trickling over his freckle-dotted and pale cheeks. "I, um... I was thinking about--if I'd still been skating--if I'd have been able to beat Kacchan. In the Olympics."

"Do you think you would have?"

His eyes met hers. "What?"

Wendy leaned forward again, setting the clipboard down on the table. "Do you think you'd have been able to win gold in the Olympics?"

Izuku looked down at his hands again, obviously in thought as he pondered her question. "I... I don't think so."

"And why not?" He was silent at that, his lips pursed together tightly. Wendy sighed before standing. Taking a few steps forward, she stopped in front of her patient and set a hand on his shoulder. "Tell you what, why don't we go to the ice rink tomorr-"

A sharp gasp sounded from the teen, his features immediately becoming downcast in fear. "I... I can't! I can't do that!"

"Let me finish please," she stated sternly. Taking a second to gather the correct words, she tried again. "You don't have to skate or even step on the ice. You don't have to go near it, even. You can just sit in the lobby or the car. But I want you to at least _try going."_

"I can't."

She smiled softly, gently tapping his shoulder before pulling away. "I think you can, I just think you're scared." She stood, moving forward to flick off the light switch. "Everyone is scared of something, be it small or large. Some people are afraid of the dark," she flicked the switch back on, "and some people are afraid of things like holes or bubbles. Every fear is reasonable, no matter how silly it is."

She took a seat across from him, eyes not leaving his being. It didn't make Izuku as uncomfortable as it used to, but he still couldn't help but feel as though she were studying him and looking for any hints of a reason just to enroll him in a facility anyway.

"So, what do you say? Do you want to try it?"


End file.
